Lately He's been waking me up early more often. I can't say that I've been accepting it with open arms. I'm not the type to fall back asleep easily, and He's got this habit of doing it when I'm convinced I both need and deserve extra sleep. He is convinced I need Him more. More than even sleep on the days when I was restless all night after a joyous, but pain-filled day; more than rest itself when I was still recovering from the shock of the car accident. The days when I, even I - the girl who tends to be brutally hard on herself - set the alarm forward a couple hours ... and He, even He - the Giver of every good and perfect gift (James 1:17) - sets His alarm for me back a few hours. I get frustrated, because really, I don't feel like I need to be up shortly after 6:00am on Wednesday, the least busy of all my days. Because, obviously, if there was something important that needed to be done, I would have marked it on my calendar. Only, the truth is, I don't put spending time with Him on my calendar ... I put it on my to-do list. Instead of big doodle hearts around a date and "Meet with Him" scrawled out in all caps ... I just write "Devos 1" next to a tiny square that I check off and move on with my day, until nighttime, when I get really spiritual, and have "Devos 2." Check.
And I wonder what drives Him to such drastic measures.
Imagine this was my earthly bridegroom (as opposed to my heavenly One). The marriage has gotten to the point of utter repetition, and I actually write on my to-do list, "kiss husband," "heartfelt convo with husband," "compliment husband." Just like that. "Heartfelt conversation." Check. And then I question my bridegroom's motives when he wakes me up at dawn, just so he can spend time with me? My mind is blown, and my cheeks burn with conviction. He woke me up, desperate to get closer to me. He woke me up to remind me that although I may consider time with him as just another item on a list, he still loves me so wildly that he put me as his first priority. And gives me cause to wonder how I scored such a great man.
(Mentally step out of the analogy here.) This Bridegroom died for me ... and I still take Him for granted. He plants a loving kiss of pure grace on my forehead ... and I have the gall to glance at the clock and think, "I could be sleeping right now." As if anything, on heaven or on earth could be better than the radical love He shows me. As if sleep could be better than His presence. And still He loves me. I am so utterly baffled that He chooses the time when I feel the worst about myself, to show me how deeply He loves me. My hair looks like someone tried to vacuum a messy bun. He loves me wild. My breath smells like a cat died in my mouth. He loves me yet. The only makeup on my face is that which I couldn't wash off yesterday. He loves me like I'm radiant. I'm wearing a t-shirt and rainbow stripe pajama bottoms. He clothes me in His righteousness.
I am undone. Starstruck. In absolute love.