I’m going off of sweets. It’s not a New Year’s resolution or anything, it’s just what I have to do. If I’m convinced that I must do something; that it is the best option for me, I’m usually pretty good about doing it, so long as it’s on my own terms. I’m kind of a brat like that. I lessened my intake at first because of mild blood sugar problems that felt major for awhile. Then I did it again when this thing called ‘acne’ overstayed its welcome. At the same time, I went off of a couple other major foods, in hopes that my daily headaches might cease. I’m not the healthiest person you’ll meet, as I’m sure is apparent. So I tried something sugary the other day, as a test (a.k.a. it looked delicious and I caved), and now, about eighteen hours later, I still have a mild headache. Problem solved.
This may not seem like a big deal to you, and probably hardly seems like the thing to be discussed on a blog of this nature, so I guess I’ll have to explain something: I am a fan of sugar. If sugar ran for president, I would vote for it. And, to quote the ever-insightful Gru, “Sometimes I eat, instead of facing my problems.” I am a comfort food junkie, and I prefer my snacks to be sweet, please and thank you. So to me, this is slightly devastating. Especially when paired with the fact that one, two … make that at least eight of my comforts of choice are unavailable to me currently. There are places I can’t go to, people I can’t talk to, things I can’t eat, activities I can’t do … and so I mope on my bed. I am beyond vulnerable right now. And I know that something is going to happen amidst this time of emotional weakness that is going to try me. Because the only Comfort I’ve left to cling to is my Lord. So I grip His hand tightly, as scared as a little child, knowing full well that whatever is about to happen, it will tempt me to let go. I don’t want to let go of Him; of this incredible experience I’ve been having with Him. I am learning to trust, and sing through the difficult times, but it is like I’ve been in training. During this time, I haven’t faced a serious trial that forced me to put that faith and trust into action. Until now.
And so I cling.
And I reach out to the people I know will listen; will pray, so hear you me: I need help. I cannot stand alone and still be standing after the waves wash over me. So this is me, being vulnerable in the best way I can.