|(Photo by Anna Hart)|
But I'm learning something ... I'm learning it slowly, even as I write, but I'm learning. I don't have to be this perfect, productive, nonexistent version of myself. My worth isn't founded in how many things I get done in a day, or how flawless I get my makeup to look. My worth's foundation is Christ. But am I living like this is true? I want to.
The things I am doing are all good ... but I can't let myself get to the point where I spread myself so thin that I am not giving the attention needed to particular areas of my life. I can't multitask people, for one thing. I can't multitask the things that matter; the things that I can't dare avert my eyes from. There's a certain amount of things that you can multitask efficiently, but I can't let this go further. I can't let the things I do suffer. I can't let the people I interact with suffer. I can't let myself suffer, honestly. Because honestly, I suffer for no reason, all because I based my worth in the crossed off squares of my stupid lists.
I'm condemning myself.
There is no condemnation in Christ. (Romans 8:1)
I've read this before. I've quoted this before. When will I let it sink into my life? Into my heart?
I'm preaching it today. To myself. To you.
Productivity is what makes me feel successful. But God doesn't view success in the same way that I do. In God's economy success = faithfulness. No matter how many things I cram into a day, if time with my Lord isn't one of them, I am truly unsuccessful. This isn't me saying that how much time I devote to Bible reading is how successful I am. Quality over quantity. Is this really the lesson that I am learning today? I recited that to my brother when we were trying to decide which toys we wanted to spend our dollars on. (I know I was a weird kid, thank you very much.) So the truth smacks me in the face once again. I can recite that cliche a hundred times a day, but if I don't apply it in my life, it does me no good. If I read my Bible for three hours a day, underlining every other word, and I don't base my life on the truth found inside, that time was nigh wasted.
So I'm looking for this, the quality of life rather than quantity. Meaning instead of monotony. Hunting daily for my Lord rather than desperately striving to do all I can in my own strength.
Honestly, I can't wait to see where I'll end up tomorrow, next year; what He'll do with the time I sacrifice.
Care to join me?