An Alternative Plan


Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.
I had expected this season of my life to be decisive.
I'd seen those around me come to the same crossroads and just linger. And linger. Maybe buy a t-shirt at a nearby shop that says "I don't know what to do next" or "Tomorrow, I'll do something." It's not that extreme, but it feels like that. It looks like that. We can't see what other people are thinking, praying, struggling with on the inside. We can only see their action.
So that is why I had decided I would move forward, in clear, distinct action.
It's a pride issue, I'm well aware.
And here I am, sitting. Wearing the t-shirt.
I have a lot more thoughts to think than I expected to. I thought I would be all gung ho on this thing, rushing forward with little attention to details, yet somehow making perfect decisions and getting from point A to point B.
But where is God in a life like that?
So I abandoned Plan A. Which wasn't very well-planned, admittedly. But I had no second option, t-shirt shop excluded. My tendency is to always have a plan. With no plan, I lean towards panic. Not my brightest moments. Since Plan A had been dropped because of its lack of room for God (and lack of an actual plan, in all honesty), Plan B became simply making room for Him. And from the outside, it may seem like inaction, but trust me, I may not be moving much, but He is. He so is.
I begin by leaving my eyes wide open. I am praying for God to guide me. Not specifically to some giant decision or movement, but in the everyday moments. I have learned that the little moments in life - like choosing to speak to someone you didn't plan to - can have just as much impact as the big ones. Baby steps, I tell myself (thinking of a classic comedy flick). If I am asking Him to show me what to do with my minutes, and as He leads me gently, I follow Him; I do small tasks, I talk to people, I smile at strangers ... when He calls me to do something crazy, will not my ears be well attuned for His voice? Won't my feet be poised to follow Him just one step further? Will I not be all the more prepared to sing His praise through whatever trials follow?
My mind floats effortlessly back to a beloved hymn ... "Come Thou Fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing Thy praise."
Yes, He is moving. He is tuning my heart. Using my weakness to further His strength, His power, His glory. I just long to get to the place where I am so close to Him, so familiar with the sound of His voice, that if He tells me to wait, I will, knowing it is His plan; knowing it will bring Him more glory than if I would move. And vice versa. "Where You go, I will go. Where You stay, I will stay."
Maybe I can get that on a t-shirt.

Comments

  1. AmandaApril 13, 2014 at 7:58 PM

    I get this. It's what I'm working on. I'm usually that person, the "want to have this all figured out and all my questions answered first" kinda girl.

    So... "Yes and amen!"

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

May this place be a home and a haven.

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Ann {Coffee for Your Heart}

Image
This week's prompt from Holley Gerth is "Who inspires you?" Simple enough, but I didn't just want to say some names and leave it at that. I chose one who has profoundly impacted my life, and I wrote her a letter. She may never see this post, but I am posting it anyway.  (image via Google)            Dear Ann , You may or may not remember me. I don't know if I want you to or not. I emailed you as a girl a little younger, and a lot less secure. I emailed you in tears, and you replied in love. But at that point, you had already inspired me. I pulled your book off my mother's shelf, on a happy and altogether forgettable day ... I didn't journal that day, so that's all I know. I had stopped journaling when life stopped sounding prettier on paper. And I'd long forgotten why it was worth the fight. The pages of that book witnessed a journey ... one that still blows my mind. We left the church I called home; a place that I had so deeply based my
Read more

You're Not Alone {Coffee for Your Heart}

Image
(via Holley Gerth ) (Photo by Tara Gourley ) This isn’t easy for me to talk about, but if people only talked about the easy stuff, this world would be in serious disarray--well, more serious. I’m going to be honest here; the type of honesty that requires trust, and that is something that I am still learning, slowly . I have felt alone. I have stood in the middle of a crowded room and have felt so desperately lonely that it nearly drowned me. This has happened in my own home. I have been prone to anxiety attacks. I’ve sat on the floor, feeling like the world is caving in, and have only recently learned to text someone I trust when this happens. I have laid alone in my bed and cried myself to sleep. I know these feelings, and I know how real they can seem; so real that everything else looks fake and twisted in comparison. I have hid in corners and let the lie consume me: I am alone. I wasn’t. And dear soul, you aren’t either. Do you hear me? You. Are. Not. Alon
Read more

Endings

Image
Scott Henry Photography I am learning to appreciate endings Not just the happy kind And not the kind that screams, “Sequel!” or “their lives go as such” But endings True—perhaps upsetting—but Authentic endings In an age in which our phones are always open We get so very little closure Except silence As a teenager, I did not know That no one would call me to say that I was not being considered for that job at the market Their answer was silence I followed up And was told that my application Was more or less in a wastebasket Like the messages I had sent a stupid boy Who considered me not worth meeting In the movies I watched as a child, with my mother There were no unhappy endings She didn’t allow those in our house I remember watching one with her “Funny Girl” And sitting in shock as the credits rolled At having witnessed something so crushing That couldn’t be the ending, could it? I lived my life in similar denial Horrified by goodbye
Read more