An Alternative Plan
Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.
I had expected this season of my life to be decisive.
I'd seen those around me come to the same crossroads and just linger. And linger. Maybe buy a t-shirt at a nearby shop that says "I don't know what to do next" or "Tomorrow, I'll do something." It's not that extreme, but it feels like that. It looks like that. We can't see what other people are thinking, praying, struggling with on the inside. We can only see their action.
So that is why I had decided I would move forward, in clear, distinct action.
It's a pride issue, I'm well aware.
And here I am, sitting. Wearing the t-shirt.
I have a lot more thoughts to think than I expected to. I thought I would be all gung ho on this thing, rushing forward with little attention to details, yet somehow making perfect decisions and getting from point A to point B.
But where is God in a life like that?
So I abandoned Plan A. Which wasn't very well-planned, admittedly. But I had no second option, t-shirt shop excluded. My tendency is to always have a plan. With no plan, I lean towards panic. Not my brightest moments. Since Plan A had been dropped because of its lack of room for God (and lack of an actual plan, in all honesty), Plan B became simply making room for Him. And from the outside, it may seem like inaction, but trust me, I may not be moving much, but He is. He so is.
I begin by leaving my eyes wide open. I am praying for God to guide me. Not specifically to some giant decision or movement, but in the everyday moments. I have learned that the little moments in life - like choosing to speak to someone you didn't plan to - can have just as much impact as the big ones. Baby steps, I tell myself (thinking of a classic comedy flick). If I am asking Him to show me what to do with my minutes, and as He leads me gently, I follow Him; I do small tasks, I talk to people, I smile at strangers ... when He calls me to do something crazy, will not my ears be well attuned for His voice? Won't my feet be poised to follow Him just one step further? Will I not be all the more prepared to sing His praise through whatever trials follow?
My mind floats effortlessly back to a beloved hymn ... "Come Thou Fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing Thy praise."
Yes, He is moving. He is tuning my heart. Using my weakness to further His strength, His power, His glory. I just long to get to the place where I am so close to Him, so familiar with the sound of His voice, that if He tells me to wait, I will, knowing it is His plan; knowing it will bring Him more glory than if I would move. And vice versa. "Where You go, I will go. Where You stay, I will stay."
Maybe I can get that on a t-shirt.