06. I Need Thee Every Hour -- Healing

(Photo by Anna Hart)

"I need Thee every hour, Most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.
I need Thee, O I need Thee; Every hour I need Thee
O bless me now my Savior--I come to Thee."
I struggle to focus as I write this. The television flashes at me, silent. The cat vies for my attention. Text come in. Everything is trying to pry me away from this, and I let it ... because I am sorely tempted to just forgo this question altogether. I'll just out with it.
6) Can God heal me? (via you-know-who)
This question. I've been dreading answering it since I first read it. It makes me uncomfortable. These things always do; the things you know, but you struggle to believe. It is easy to say, "I believe that God can heal," but it is so much harder to say, "I believe He can heal me."
I cannot go an hour without Him - every second, I need His help just to get through. Slowly, I am learning to trust Him with the little things, but what is that, if not training for me to trust Him in the big things, the life-changing things ... everything?
Believing that He can heal my body seems a lot less radical than believing He can give me eternal life in heaven. And yet I believe one and not the other. The truth is this, I have a hard time believing that I am worth miraculous healing. I think, so-and-so deserves it more, "she's in so much pain, and she has such faith!" I wonder if much glory be gained for Him through me no longer having headaches, joint pain, stomachaches, anxiety attacks, insomnia, etc. Why not give sight to the blind?
No glory can be given to God if I am not putting my faith and trust in Him. I am in need of a full healing. I am broken. I am crushed in areas that He intended to be whole. I struggle to trust. I stress. I worry. I lose control. I constantly need Him to mend what is broken in me; to heal me. I need the peace that only He can offer, and so, I come to Him in surrender.
"I need Thee every hour, Stay Thou near by;
Temptations lose their power when Thou art nigh.
I need Thee every hour, In joy or pain;
Come quickly and abide, Or life is in vain."
"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." (James 4:8) If I am coming to Him, then He in turn is coming to me. The temptation to doubt has no place in His presence. I long to be near enough to Him to touch; to cling. Because I need Him desperately. I need His help in times of joy, to keep my focus and affection where it belongs, and I need Him in the pain, to help me not to give up. So yes, I believe that God can heal me. He is completely powerful, and there is nothing too big or too small for Him to handle. But will He? If I can give Him more glory in my life in health than I can in sickness, I believe He will heal me. But, honestly, He is doing such crazy good things through the pain. I would rather live near to Him in this trial than to live healthily, but separate from Him. May I always choose what is better. May I always choose Him.
"I need Thee every hour, Teach me Thy will,
And Thy rich promises in me fulfill."
          ^^^^ Just that. I have nothing more to add.

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