Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Safe in Surrender

My future is secure.

This truth has been resounding through the halls of my mind lately.

A reminder to release my clenched fists ... this was never in my hands anyway. When I try to make it such, that is when things begin to go awry.

My tendency has often been to react to situations with a white-knuckled grip on my illusion of total control.

This striving got me nowhere, fast.

Circumstances always change. If I base my every emotion & action upon them, I will be shaken. I will be swayed.

I am in the ocean. I can choose to look down at the waves & panic; securing my quick & fatal submergence into fear & anxiety. Or I can choose to admit that the only thing keeping me up is Not Myself. I am not my own savior. I am not able to swim on my own. I can choose to respond to the One who is holding me. Sustaining my breath. Controlling the waves. Fear has no place in such arms.

This ocean seems so vast. The coordinates of my various destinations are as yet unknown to me.

I decide to release my grip.

I do not have a five-year plan to heed & rely on.

And so I rely on the One who holds eternity.

My future is secure.

I ponder that & cling to it.

It becomes clear that my future was never in jeopardy. As I hold fast to Christ & listen for His voice, I can know for sure that He will not lead me astray. Even in my wandering, He is true. He still works out His good purposes for me. He is unhindered by my failings, no matter how vast. He knows the plans He has for me. Plans for a hope & a future.

He promises such things from this place of unfathomable abundance. I need not fear.

I laugh, realizing that I can't even mourn the loss of my own will & plans. There is nothing to grieve, for He is so much better.

I shout that out:

MY. GOD. IS. BETTER.

In realizing this; in proclaiming this, I simultaneously release my hold on all else. Because when you cling to an infinite God, there is no space for anything else. All must be released to Him. Consumed by Him. Transformed by Him.

All my days, no longer mine. They lie in His hands.

My finances & every concern regarding them are no longer primarily my concern, nor are they my primary concern. I now know where to take both my abundance & my lack. I leave them both with Him.

I give Him my perspective, & He transforms me from the inside out.

As I release every person in my life to Him, the symphony that occurs is almost overwhelming. My love for Jesus transforms the way I see people, & in turn, as I look at them, my understanding of Him deepens. No longer is there need for a war over the throne of my heart. He is God & we are not. As He reveals Himself in us, we cannot help but love Him more, & love others more, through Him.

Oh, the foolish notion that I could love anyone in my own strength.

I release my dreams & plans ... watch Him shape them into something more beautiful than I would have allowed myself to dream of. This economy of His kingdom ... as I lay my life down before Him, He lifts my life up. I never would have chosen such a life for myself ... not because of a lack of desire or passion, mind you ... I simply didn't think I deserved it, or was up for it. I dreamed small, me-sized dreams, that required no faith whatsoever. Such is not the life of a warrior.

& a warrior is what He calls me.

So I lay down my life, take up my armor, & hold fast to my Savior.

For it is His battle. I am not alone in this fight.