Wednesday, July 29, 2015

"Blind In Darkness" {an original poem}

[maybe the labels cued you in, or maybe you're an old hat at this, & remembered when I told you  of my intent to post these poems. These are pre-healing poems, typed by a post-healing poet, & the perspective is profound & overwhelming to me. This poem, specifically, was so vital at that time. It was a battle. I wept over it. I sketched it. I breathed these words for weeks, & now here they are, & the hope is so much more real to me.]

(written August 14th, 2014)

Can't get to sleep
Cannot wake up
Confused, I weep
With empty cup

Endless cycles
Lost trains of thought
Shame recitals
Battles un-fought

Strength all but gone
Can't move my lips
Hold sketch I've drawn
In fingertips

I know the words to pray
Can't bring myself to say them
How can I feel this way,
Knowing all I'm saved from?

Do You feel rejected
As I do?
Confused and dejected,
I doubt Truth

Why do these things feel real
When they're false?
Were I dead, could I feel
My wrist's pulse?

If all I see is darkness
Should I trust my eyes,
Or dare adjust my focus,
To see past the lies?

Abba, Father
Restore sight
To this beggar
Bring Your light

I blink rapidly
And then squint
A tear falls from the shock
I hold hands before open eyes

Count my fingers
Weak as they are
Poor performers
Can't reach the bar

And so I kneel

Surrounded by demons
And darkness
A sword lies before me
I grasp it

I cannot wield it
I'm far too weak
I hold it for
False security

The darkness seems deeper
I gave up my vision
Enemies lurk, unseen
But I can still feel them

The dark is near
Tangible
Choking
Thick

Lord, there is none besides You to help

He heard my cry
Restored my sight
He took my sword
...
And fought my fight