Broken Birdsong

I am learning to love things I once despised. To embrace things I once rejected. It's funny the things you can discover when you just let go of the belief that you have always been, & will always be, right. Today, I am so glad I've been proved wrong. There's a sting in that discovery, but the sweetness far outweighs it. I never expected the death of something to be so beautiful. The things you can find yourself holding when you finally let go of the worthlessness of your old opinions. I never wanted to move. I never, ever, ever, ever, EVER, no, not in a million years ever wanted to move. It terrified me. You could witness the greatest of my panic attacks just by mentioning the idea. Some found that game funny, but it was horrific. You mentioned such a change & I found it hard to breathe. It wasn't a logical fear, but that didn't make it any less real. It wasn't that I was particularly attached to my house, but it was all I had e

My future is secure. This truth has been resounding through the halls of my mind lately. A reminder to release my clenched fists ... this was never in my hands anyway. When I try to make it such, that is when things begin to go awry. My tendency has often been to react to situations with a white-knuckled grip on my illusion of total control. This striving got me nowhere, fast. Circumstances always change. If I base my every emotion & action upon them, I will be shaken. I will be swayed. I am in the ocean. I can choose to look down at the waves & panic; securing my quick & fatal submergence into fear & anxiety. Or I can choose to admit that the only thing keeping me up is Not Myself. I am not my own savior. I am not able to swim on my own. I can choose to respond to the One who is holding me. Sustaining my breath. Controlling the waves. Fear has no place in such arms. This ocean seems so vast. The coordinates of my various destinations are as yet unknown to