I was running on less sleep than I can function with, and praying hard, because oh how I needed to function. And not just your average survival mode functioning, no. I needed to be cheerful, Christ-like, efficient, creative, loving, and focused.
I slow down for a minute because I actually have the chance to. He pours himself a cup of coffee, and I smile at his kindness. We both know that's my job. We ask each other about life. I talk of weeks that just race by, and there's hardly time to even think, let alone make art with my life. He speaks of the busyness too, but there's a difference. In his world, he makes the time. He fixes someone's toilet while preaching truth into their lives. "She told me I should be a preacher. I already am a preacher, I said. I don't need a pulpit or a congregation - I just talk about Jesus one on one."
He's caught onto something and my stressing heart almost can't believe it's that simple. Can we really just live out our faith like that, no platform necessary?
So I pick wildflowers.
I send that text that I was hesitant to.
I resist letting my fear of people seeing me weak control me.
I still try and smile to the people who need it. And doesn't everybody?
Love isn't something you can share by preaching from a pedestal (and I'm knocking myself here, not anybody else), so I'm getting in the dirt and living it. Trying to. I still fail consistently.
So I run to my Role Model ... the One who stumbled through the dust and dirt, past the spitting, angry crowd, with a giant tree teetering on His raw and bloody back.
No, this thought process isn't why I've been neglecting this blog space. I just haven't had the time ... and some days, I was just plain uninspired. I was less concerned with my "6:30 a.m., Monday, Wednesday, Friday" schedule than I was with other aspects of my life.
I made it past a major milestone of life. There was a party. There were speeches. I have to write thank-you notes. I was diagnosed with Lyme disease, and now I have to figure out treatment, diet, and lifestyle. It ain't all sunshine and roses. But I've discovered that even then, He is still good. He is still constant. He is still sovereign. That's crazy and wonderful, and I can't quite get over it. I don't want to.