Broken Birdsong

(Photo by Anna Hart ) Have you ever wondered how it is that not a portion of nature is considered to clash, color-wise? Think about it. God used every color imaginable, likely inventing new ones as He went along, and we do not say that those willow trees really would look better in a different field ... one not quite so green, maybe. It's unheard of. We put two articles of clothing together, and suddenly, it's unthinkable to wear that outside of your bedroom. What a disaster. But we can't look at an unmarred piece of God's nature and call it an eyesore. Because He made it beautiful. Society tells us differently. They lie when they chant that age and beauty are not synonymous. They present them to us as enemies. They scorn wrinkles and grey hair, saying they are no longer signs of wisdom and cues for us to respect. Now we look at them as symptoms of a disease: old age. One step closer to the end of the road. It would be a bad thing if the end of the road was some...

You won't relent until You have it all.  my heart is Yours. I set You as a seal, upon my heart as a seal upon my arm for there is love, that is strong as death jealousy demanding as the grave and many waters can not quench this love come be the fire inside of me come be the flame upon my heart come be the fire inside of me until You and I are one. //"You Won't Relent" by Jesus Culture// He wants my heart. All of it. Every beat. Every desire. Every longing. He calls after me, naming me Beloved, asking for this: a sacrifice worthy of Him. How could I hold anything back from such a Love? It's sinking in now, what it means to give everything to Him. It means that if I never travel outside of my country again, I still love Him. I still trust Him. If the tests come back, and I have this disease, I still believe that He is in control; that He knows best. If they give no answers, and I continue to wonder in vain what is wrong ...

I crave the simple life. I want to wake up and watch the sunrise, just in awe of my Lord and His beauty. I am tempted to belt out hymns as I take my morning shower. You'll find me sometime with a baby on my hip and a smile on my lips. I want to be able to quote poetry with the finesse of Anne and Gilbert Blythe. I long for Scripture to be so ingrained in my mind that every other sentence I speak is unintentionally or purposefully founded in Biblical truth. Give me a mouth like that . I hope to someday be that friend that sews gifts for your littles, and makes her own clothes. The one that gardens and cans; cooks and bakes; knits and makes a killer cuppa tea. Give me a life that is a gift to others. I want that . Please and thank you. I want to breathe in grace so deeply that it is all I exhale; so it becomes a new sort of oxygen for those around me. I don't need a Pinterest-perfect life. We all know I don't come near perfection on a webpage. Let my life be a ...

(Photo by Anna Hart ) (Linking up with  Holley  Gerth  here ) Tears fall steadily after the trauma If you came to grips with it, at least Those around you whisper things like "drama" Each of us faces a diff'rent beast You didn't expect it to hurt so bad Or you did and you wanted proved wrong Lost are the logical thoughts you once had Something so simple lasts for so long Mascara lines down paling cheeks Trembling hands clutch bathroom sink How long since you have felt this weak? "Give her water," drink, drink, drink --Inhale Exhale-- Coherent thoughts Routine and necessity numbing the pain You are responsible - think of the gain This too shall pass And it does You do not have to tell yourself to breathe But you do and it's steady; a habit Discover the feeling of sweet relief Tell people it was hard, but you made it But you don't talk about that first moment Five minutes, maybe? Or longer Are we counting th...

So many things are coming to a close. I'm trying to learn to be okay with that. When you spend so much of your time planning events, I guess you can feel a little empty when they're over. Or you can feel bored when you got so caught up in one thing, and it too comes to an end. I have this problem. I'm watching as all these things end, and instead of feeling happy that they happened, and that more is to come, I'm getting sad because it'll all end eventually. I got baptized last weekend ... and the anticipation was exhilarating, and nerve-wracking. I at the same time wanted it to be over, and to happen over and over again, please and thank you. I felt so calm and subdued when it had ended. And that in itself was a miracle. The road trip ended, too. I missed my bed too much to be overly broken up about that one. And the cold weather, my floor heater, wifi, friends, family that didn't come ... I wasn't home. And now I am. So I think about when that will end...

This week's prompt from Holley is "A small thing that makes a big difference is ... " Her name is Analiz. When I first saw her picture, she was small indeed. Barely a toddler, her eyes were pleading. Oh, how I wish I could say I have met her. I have not. But she has changed me, and all this without being even old enough to write me a letter. I receive updates from her many relatives, translated by World Vision. I write her long letters, in words I hope are simple enough for her to understand ... but the meaning behind them, I know she will probably not comprehend for several more years. I tell her of the day I received this, my latest photograph of her, how on that morning, I danced around my house, squealing, "Just look at my beautiful baby!" Isn't she gorgeous, though? Analiz has shown me the mama side of my heart. Sure, I dote on the children I watch, and on my loved ones' littles, but this baby girl, I am somehow responsible for. She count...

This week's prompt from Holley Gerth is "Who inspires you?" Simple enough, but I didn't just want to say some names and leave it at that. I chose one who has profoundly impacted my life, and I wrote her a letter. She may never see this post, but I am posting it anyway.  (image via Google)            Dear Ann , You may or may not remember me. I don't know if I want you to or not. I emailed you as a girl a little younger, and a lot less secure. I emailed you in tears, and you replied in love. But at that point, you had already inspired me. I pulled your book off my mother's shelf, on a happy and altogether forgettable day ... I didn't journal that day, so that's all I know. I had stopped journaling when life stopped sounding prettier on paper. And I'd long forgotten why it was worth the fight. The pages of that book witnessed a journey ... one that still blows my mind. We left the church I called home; a place that I had so deeply based my ...

(via Holley Gerth ) (Photo by Tara Gourley ) This week's prompt from Holley Gerth is, "No matter what happens, you're going to be okay because ..." Celebrating with this sweet woman as her new book has just hit the stores. Pick up You're Going to Be Okay asap - you won't regret it, I promise.  These words are honestly what I need to hear on those days when the tears just won't stop falling. "You're going to be okay" is adequate in itself, but when someone dares remind me that there are certain things I can always depend on and cling to? This is what my heart needs. But darlin', I'm not speaking to my heart today ... I'm talking to yours. Hear you me: No matter what happens, you're going to be okay because ... He has promised. Think about that for a decade, please. The word "promise" is not one He takes lightly, and neither should you. To paraphrase the good old dictionary definition, a promise is the dec...

(Photo by  Anna Hart ) This week’s writing prompt from Holley Gerth is: “What are the encouraging words you want to hear when you’re having a hard day?” I have been so blessed by my circle of friends. Their words often surpass anything I could think up. It is hard for me to think of the prompt as it is written, so forgive me if I adapt on it. I’m going to give the encouraging words I want my closest friends to hear on their hard days. And the Lord, being awesome as He is, often speaks into my heart, as I strive to speak into theirs. So it’s similar, right? Anyhoo … Just stop. Drop everything, girl. I know, I know, it seems like the world never slows down. Just let it spin for a little while without you. Sit down. Kneel. If you keep running when you’re feeling like this, you will break. I know. I’ve done it. Remember when you helped me pick up the pieces? I know you’re trying to be strong enough; to just get through one. more. day. but none of us is truly strong enough...

(via Holley Gerth ) (Photo by Tara Gourley ) This isn’t easy for me to talk about, but if people only talked about the easy stuff, this world would be in serious disarray--well, more serious. I’m going to be honest here; the type of honesty that requires trust, and that is something that I am still learning, slowly . I have felt alone. I have stood in the middle of a crowded room and have felt so desperately lonely that it nearly drowned me. This has happened in my own home. I have been prone to anxiety attacks. I’ve sat on the floor, feeling like the world is caving in, and have only recently learned to text someone I trust when this happens. I have laid alone in my bed and cried myself to sleep. I know these feelings, and I know how real they can seem; so real that everything else looks fake and twisted in comparison. I have hid in corners and let the lie consume me: I am alone. I wasn’t. And dear soul, you aren’t either. Do you hear me? You. Are. Not. Alon...

(via  Holley Gerth ) (via Pinterest//Mauli Hans) I hate that you don’t know this yet . You’ve been told it a thousand times at least … but you brush it off, or worse, you inwardly drown it out with lies. You tell yourself you’re ugly, a has-been, a never-will-be, ordinary, plain, not good enough … and then you criticize every feature you see in the mirror. I’ve been there, believe me. You tell yourself your nose is too big (if only you could have one like so-and-so’s), your smile too crooked, your laugh lines and crow’s feet too prominent, your hair too wild, your cheeks too big … until you’ve nitpicked yourself into a dark place where you try to console yourself with the one feature you deem adequate - “At least I have nice nails …” I almost can’t bear the thought of you going through this. The reason this topic fires me up so is simple: I have said those things to the mirror (not those exact things, but of the same variety). I have ducked my head at the bathroom sin...

{an original poem} even when your hair looks a fright even when you give up on Me even when you cry alone in the night --I wonder when you’ll finally see that even when wrinkles adorn you even when your eyes look haunted even when you’re not a size two --My love remains undaunted and even when hormones undo you even when you have lost your place even when grey skies won’t turn blue --there is still even more grace so even when you cannot hear Me even when rain falls from above even when you can’t see clearly --there’s no reason to doubt you’re loved ---- (via  Holley Gerth )

(via  Holley Gerth )        (via Pinterest)           Hello, you. A new year has dawned, and as Anne (with an ‘E’) once said about tomorrow, it is “always fresh, with no mistakes in it.” That’s all well and good, yes, but you’ve been thinking lately about the mistakes that have scarred your yesterdays, your today … and you can’t help but wonder how you’ll screw up this brand-new, just-opened box of 364 tomorrows. You’ve already marred some of the contents. Every year, you make promises - to God, to others, to yourself - about how much better you’re gonna be this year; how much harder you’ll try. You say you’ll eat better, exercise more, make more time for prayer and Scripture … and before even a minute of the new year is gone, you feel like a failure. You’d probably don’t want to admit it, but it’s true. You feel like you’re not good enough, content enough, healthy enough, smart enough, pretty enough, ________ (you fill in t...