Broken Birdsong

(Photo by Tara Gourley ) I am overwhelmed as I write this. That's probably because, right now, it's still Wednesday . Oh, sweet Wednesday. This blog has never seen so many beautiful readers. Plus, I got a chance to bless and be blessed by the woman who has been my hero since I first picked up her book . Needless to say, it was a big day for me. Anyway, despite my brain being in a blissfully frazzled state, I have a blog post to write. Right? Right. I have been tuning in to what affects me lately. My habits, my hobbies, my relationships, the things I do when I think I've earned a break, what plays when I plug in my headphones, etc. I've been thinking a lot about my future, and I have all these crazy big dreams, that quite honestly, I don't deserve. And so, this is how I'm looking at things now: If I expect a fabulous husband who is devoted to God, disciplined, respectful, a good listener, etc., then I should be willing to fight to become a woman who deserve

This week's prompt from Holley Gerth is "Who inspires you?" Simple enough, but I didn't just want to say some names and leave it at that. I chose one who has profoundly impacted my life, and I wrote her a letter. She may never see this post, but I am posting it anyway.  (image via Google)            Dear Ann , You may or may not remember me. I don't know if I want you to or not. I emailed you as a girl a little younger, and a lot less secure. I emailed you in tears, and you replied in love. But at that point, you had already inspired me. I pulled your book off my mother's shelf, on a happy and altogether forgettable day ... I didn't journal that day, so that's all I know. I had stopped journaling when life stopped sounding prettier on paper. And I'd long forgotten why it was worth the fight. The pages of that book witnessed a journey ... one that still blows my mind. We left the church I called home; a place that I had so deeply based my

(Photo by Tara Gourley ) Graduation looms, ever nearer. I have about thirty days left of this whole "school" thing, and mid-May will find me awkwardly standing in front of my loved ones and giving a speech. No doubt, my hands will be shaking. Ferociously. It seems like everyone else has a plan (with a few exceptions to this). They are getting ready for college, applying for internships, and most already have jobs, even if it is just working at McDonald's to make ends meet. Or because their parents made them. I'm not sure. It confused me, and I didn't ask. Anyway .... I don't have a job, unless you count babysitting once a week (if it isn't cancelled). And I don't have a plan, unless you count desperately seeking God and begging Him to pretty please show me what to do . It's hard when you honestly don't know. Right now, I'm doing the "one step at a time" thing. Today, that means that I wake up. I get into the Word. I exercise

(Photo by Anna Hart ) "I need Thee every hour, Most gracious Lord; No tender voice like Thine can peace afford. I need Thee, O I need Thee; Every hour I need Thee O bless me now my Savior--I come to Thee." I struggle to focus as I write this. The television flashes at me, silent. The cat vies for my attention. Text come in. Everything is trying to pry me away from this, and I let it ... because I am sorely tempted to just forgo this question altogether. I'll just out with it. 6) Can God heal me? (via you-know-who ) This question. I've been dreading answering it since I first read it. It makes me uncomfortable. These things always do; the things you know , but you struggle to believe . It is easy to say, "I believe that God can heal," but it is so much harder to say, "I believe He can heal me ." I cannot go an hour without Him - every second, I need His help just to get through. Slowly, I am learning to trust Him with the little things,

This is a new experience for me, this whole idea of waiting until the day before something should be posted to begin to press the lettered keys. I have no prompt, no series, no idea of what I am supposed to be writing. Help me, Jesus . I haven't left my house this week since church on Sunday. Would you believe this is only a little bit abnormal for me? I usually get out of the house an average of four-ish times a week. I've had a lot of time to think, and to learn, and one of the things I've thought and learned is that my people are pretty great. My family, my friends, my acquaintances ... they rock. I celebrated another birthday this Tuesday, and for some reason, everyone went out of their way to make me feel special. The row of cards I received rivals the Great Wall of China {I exaggerate}. The texts people sent me turned me into a gooey emotional ball. I heard the Birthday song about 4932903 times. People called. E-cards and emails were opened. Presents were receive

(via Holley Gerth ) (Photo by Tara Gourley ) This week's prompt from Holley Gerth is, "No matter what happens, you're going to be okay because ..." Celebrating with this sweet woman as her new book has just hit the stores. Pick up You're Going to Be Okay asap - you won't regret it, I promise.  These words are honestly what I need to hear on those days when the tears just won't stop falling. "You're going to be okay" is adequate in itself, but when someone dares remind me that there are certain things I can always depend on and cling to? This is what my heart needs. But darlin', I'm not speaking to my heart today ... I'm talking to yours. Hear you me: No matter what happens, you're going to be okay because ... He has promised. Think about that for a decade, please. The word "promise" is not one He takes lightly, and neither should you. To paraphrase the good old dictionary definition, a promise is the dec

(Photo by Tara Gourley ) "O soul, are you weary and troubled? No light in the darkness you see? There's light for a look at the Savior, And a life more abundant and free!" As I write these words, I am alone at a table in a loud cafe. It is a cross between feeling lonely and over-crowded. I think it is the perfect atmosphere for this particular study. 5) Am I alone? ( you know the tale ) It is easy to feel like I am. But feelings are often deceiving. To be specific, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" (Jeremiah 17:9) After a statement like that, how can we possibly stand to trust our feelings? Are we so easily deceived? I would dare say it is so. In a tight situation, most of us would trust our feelings more than our head knowledge. It is why we have so many irrational fears, I would think. We know perfectly well that a little daddy-long-leg can't harm us, but when one runs across our path, we lose hol

(Photo by Tara Gourley ) I am learning something that I find rather difficult to put to action. Obviously, if it was easy, I'd have been doing it by now, my ordinary ignorance aside. Here's the thing: I am a planner. I make lists in the morning, describing every minute thing I plan to do in that day, and if I do something that's not on the list, that's right, I write it down and check it off. It's a pride thing. I also like to have about 5 posts for this blog saved as drafts, "just in case." In case I run out of time to write a post next Monday. In case I completely run out of inspiration. In case I get into one of my emotional funks, and I want something powerful to post instead. Basically, I had them there because I didn't believe that God would always provide the time and inspiration ... because I didn't believe He could use me in any shape I was in, to bring Himself glory. My fail-safe kept me safe all right ... from a chance to see Him do

(Photo by  Anna Hart ) This week’s writing prompt from Holley Gerth is: “What are the encouraging words you want to hear when you’re having a hard day?” I have been so blessed by my circle of friends. Their words often surpass anything I could think up. It is hard for me to think of the prompt as it is written, so forgive me if I adapt on it. I’m going to give the encouraging words I want my closest friends to hear on their hard days. And the Lord, being awesome as He is, often speaks into my heart, as I strive to speak into theirs. So it’s similar, right? Anyhoo … Just stop. Drop everything, girl. I know, I know, it seems like the world never slows down. Just let it spin for a little while without you. Sit down. Kneel. If you keep running when you’re feeling like this, you will break. I know. I’ve done it. Remember when you helped me pick up the pieces? I know you’re trying to be strong enough; to just get through one. more. day. but none of us is truly strong enough to

“I hear the Savior say, ‘Thy strength indeed is small   Child of weakness watch and pray, find in Me thine all in all.’” As I sang these words softly, I was feeling a weakness of a sort that I wouldn’t normally think to pair with this hymn. I was upset, emotional, and downright grumpy. The only reason I found myself with time enough to have this study was because something I had been looking forward to for weeks hadn’t happened, due to health complications of someone I hold dear. I felt very much a child of weakness, and so, to sit down with a huff, and open the hymnal to these words … simply put, God had my attention. ‘Weakness’ and ‘fear,’ these words have been coming up everywhere I turn, and each time they do I am told, in more or less words, that God is enough. Because, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear,” (1 John 4:18) “God is love,” (1 John 4:8) and “[His] power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9) And in this hymn He says I must si